EX-Husband

Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. …

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Advertisement Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want love making or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Please don’t try to find me. Your Sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Response from Wife

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping Too bad that doesn’t work.

I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out.

So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.