Judge: “You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you’ll have to give us a good reason.”
Man: “She was so stupid, I just had to kill her.”
Judge: “That is even worse. If you don’t want to be declared guilty on the spot, you better give us a plausible reason.”
Man: Well it happened like this. We live in this apartment complex and the property manager lives in the first floor with his family.
The kids all have a growth deficiency.
So one day, my wife comes up and says: Those little kids, they look like pyrenees. So I say: You mean pygmy.
“No”, says my wife. Pygmy is what you have under your skin, it causes freckles.
“That’s pigment”, I say.
So she says “No, pigment is what the ancient Romans were writing on.”
I sigh and say: “No, that’s parchment!”.
“No”, says she, “parchment is an unfinished sentence”.
“Your honor, you can imagine, I swallowed the ‘fragment’, I got back to my armchair and my newspaper.
But then suddenly she’s back with a book, and she says: I should know, I got a legionnaire for my french lessons.
I say: “You mean a lector”.
“No”, says my wife, “Lector was an ancient Greek hero.”
I say: “That was Hector, and he was a Trojan.”
“Nope”, says she, “Hector is a measure of area.”
“That’d be hectare” “No! Hectare is the drink of the gods!”
“That’d be nectar”.
“No”, says she, “the Nectar is a river in southern Germany.”
So I say: “That’s the Neckar.”
She says: “No, I must know, there’s even a song about it. I recently sung it in a duo with my friend” I say:
“It’s a duet”
She replies, “No, that’s when two men are fighting with a saber.”
“That’s a duel”, I say. “No, a duel is where a railway goes through a mountain!”
Well, your honor, so I took a hammer and beat her to death… There was a long silence, shocked faces. Finally the judge says: Not guilty. I would have killed her at “Hector”.